Relief

It’s always a strange feeling, trying to get back into writing again after such a long break. Of course I have spent the last six months writing; I’ve completed my dissertation and a number of essays in foreign languages which will hopefully all add up to give me a degree next month.

I KNOW RIGHT?! Me, a degree. Thank Jesus for that.

It feels like I’ve been studying as an undergraduate for about three million years. Well, OK, it’s only been six but still, I’m glad to be finished. Not because I didn’t enjoy studying, but because it took so long to get here. This degree means a hell of a lot more to me than it would have done had I finished when I was supposed to. It is the symbol of all the hard work I’ve put in over the years, not only in terms of my studies but in terms of myself and overcoming a very serious illness. Even if I come out with the lowest grade imaginable, I think I’ll struggle not to be proud of myself for getting this far.

I’ve already thanked the people who have been there for me a thousand times over, but for good measure, thanks again. You know who you are. You are all wonderful.

It’s funny sitting here now, looking back on who I was when I started and who I am now. I barely even recognise the terrified, depressed and insecure girl who started out in London in September 2012. It’s hard to believe that we’re the same person, because right now, I am the happiest I have ever been. I’m secure in myself, I love my job, my anxiety and PTSD are under control. I’ve accepted myself for who I am and damn, it feels good. I feel free from all the constraints that were tying down that 20 year old girl; I have so many options and adventures and paths to choose from. I’m so excited to get started.

I’m hoping that this blog will become something I pick up regularly again, as I still have so much to share about recovery and life post-breakdown, as well as some personal revelations about sexuality and what I want to do with my life next. Let’s see what happens.